Name: Frisky Zebras
Country: South Africa
First Sipped: The Woods
Grape: “Seductive” Shiraz
LCBO List Price: $9.95
Paired with: Triscuits, marble cheese, Tuscan Meatball soup.
Who want’s a kick in the pants?
I’m not talking about a frolic of laughter and giggles, I’m talking about an honest to goodness fiercely thrust foot, straight in the crotch portion of your trousers… so to speak.
First off - my fault.
Who the hell buys a wine called Frisky Effin’ Zebras and has any expectations higher than a label that says “do not use on porcelain surfaces”? But there may have been a mini buying spree and thoughts of “could be a hidden gem” came over me.
First thoughts as I twisted off the black cap that came adorned with a single white heart (cos Zebras are black and white (or white and black, depending on your point of view)) and the smell wafted across the kitchen.
Sheri didn’t notice until I’d poured us each a glass (which I refer now to as “decanting”), and asked if I could smell it - smell it? Jesus, it was all I could smell.
First sip, and I wish we were having English style fish and chips, ‘cos I would be pouring this all over those fries and putting the malt vinegar in my glass instead.
Top it off, we’re eating Cracker Barrel light cheese - what the hell is that doing in the fridge? It has all the substance of a cube of papier-mâché and the density of a stone - and only enhances the viciousness of the tart this frisky vino is delivering.
Apparently the wine is “as unique as the endangered Grevy’s zebras of Africa”, which does absolutely nothing for the wildlife preserve in my mind - in fact, I’m thinking about going on safari and putting an end to the ‘endangered’ status if this is all the contribution we’re getting out of these beasts…
Decent enough legs and a second glass are making me rethink my harshness - and then I take another bite of the cheese… If I was Bruce Banner I’d be splitting my slacks and tearing the buttons off my shirt right now from the rage I’m in over weak cheese and a glass of red vinegar - - - then take another sip.
Ok - final thoughts:
If you can punch your way through the smell, ignore the stinging in your mouth as you sip, stomach the burn that accompanies a swallow and push past the near immediate gurgle in your stomach - and drink enough of this, it’s a passable 3rd bottle of an evening.
Also, it’s making my mouth kind of cottony.
1.2 corks out of 5 for me.
Typically I exaggerate about the way things really are… Y’know… I ate too much and I weigh a billion pounds, or I’m so hungry I could eat a horse, or something of the like. Well when it comes to the taste of alcohol (liquors and wines), I’ve often exaggerated and said that it smelled like rubbing alcohol - uber cheap vodka in particular. So while I’ve made my case for my constant exaggerations, believe me when I say it this time.
This wine smells like rubbing alcohol. I could put it on a cotton ball and disinfect something with it.
It has a very odd taste (likely even more odd because of the rubbing alcohol smell coming out of my glass as I try to find the other qualities).
So unfortunately while I love to write these reviews, it’s hard to find something to say about this one.
It’s not a try-again, or an ok-to-see-it-on-the-table… It’s just a never-again-not-in-this-lifetime kind of wine (OK - there I go exaggerating again).
1.5/5 corks (gets a bonus 0.5 for cute bottle and the name Frisky Zebras)